Fast Dinner

Quick meal preparation seems to be a frequent topic among ADHDers. Whenever I attend a support group meeting, someone always wanders in late or with fast food in hand – or both.

Fast food is notoriously unhealthy, yet is quickly and cheaply prepared. A quandary takes shape.

In the past, I have sought to resolve last-minute meal preparation with prête-à-manger and processed foods – the former is too expensive and the latter is too high in sodium (which works evil against my tendency toward high blood pressure).

I ask for advice, as often as I give. What to do? What to do?

The Inattentive Method of Tree Decorating

"Let chaos reign, then rein in chaos."  – Andrew S. Grove

When a tree is put together with too much care and planning, it looks phony. Just put the ornaments on the tree. The chaotic approach adds a greater sense of creative expression to any artform. Why should tree decorating be any different?

"Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown."

Conventional wisdom (the convenient wisdom garnered from widely held opinion) promises that one bests accomplishes any given task only through the methodical application of an intricately detailed plan, yet free market economists and group dynamic mediators would beg to differ. A rigid plan is often incongruous with healthy development of an organism or group: does conscious planning occur anywhere in nature? Yes and no. Biology conforms to coded blueprints (DNA); migratory birds follow memorized maps of landmarks and pressure changes; and different generations of ants will instinctively build similar colony nests, but none of the previously mentioned examples qualify as plans: lacking the instincts necessary for higher levels of functionality, humans developed culture to exchange thoughts and ideas between generations, so we (humans) habitually conform to plans because that is what our culture prods us to do – even though planning is against our nature.

Year after year, Southwest remains one of the most heavily traveled domestic airlines, which is particularly remarkable because it also consistently earns the highest safety and costumer satisfaction ratings. Borrowing a page from ants, fliers board planes via the swarm method. Some traffic studies in Europe have also shown that traffic could flow more quickly and safely if intersections used a chaotic swarm method, instead of traffic lights.

I also recommend a swarm method when decorating the tree. It is foolish to argue with results: it took me less time and the tree looks good, but it is a little small.

Season's Greetings

Christmas and I have a love/hate relationship. Every year of my preadolescence, my sister and I went to my grandparents house to trim their Xmas tree. It was a tradition that I enjoyed for many years, but along life's journey, family traditions became less important to me. As I developed my own sense of independence, I no longer felt the need to repeat any particular activity simply because that is what was always done.

As I distanced myself from the celebrations, I began to see the crass commercialism wrapped up in the holiday. Giving/receiving gifts no longer gave me any pleasure, because I realized that as a mindless consumer, I was contributing anything of value to society, yet the flashing lights and other distractions appeal to my Inattentive nature. Giving just to give, taking just to take – a hollow and selfish cycle. My family started bequeathing annual charitable donations among ourselves, (instead of wrapped material goods), and that makes much more sense to me – yet the spirit of the holiday season has still been absent from my heart.

Guaranteed: none of my fellow ADHDers conform easily. We do not march to the same rhythm as the does the rest of society – perhaps, meander is a better word – we meander to individuated, syncopated selection of backbeats and rhythms. Maybe some of the ADD crowd jives on Christmas carols and putting ornaments on the tree, but I am not among their number. The only way I can enjoy any activity is when I can take personal ownership in it.

My wife, on the other hand, loves Christmas. She loves the happiness and the joy (artificial, though it may be), and she loves the carols and the decorations. For her, Christmas is the only good aspect of winter, an otherwise dreary season. Because I love my wife more than my own breath, I took it upon myself to "get over it" and enjoy the holiday. And guess what… I have.

Conforming to our society's spiritual materialism, I bought decorations for a plastic tree my grandparents bought for us a few years ago. My wife even let me decorate our tree, and I enjoyed it.

Happily Married, Day 726

My wife and I probably have the happiest marriage of all of our friends and family. We've only been married for two years, so perhaps I should not be patting myself on the back too grandly – nor will I soon be volunteering our services as marital mentors. We have a lot to learn, and both of us know it. Give us 20 years, maybe then.

Still, I must reiterate that I enjoy a spectacularly healthy and joyful wedded life, and this is no small feat on our part. It takes much work, because my pathological Inattentiveness inhibits the multitasking of our shared frugal domesticity (as I've noted previously). The main secret to our success, so far, is our mutual willingness to communicate with each other openly and honestly. When we do have complaints with each other, we always try to achieve a resolution without compromising either of our principle desires. Someday, my spouse will make a fine Senator.

I never want this honeymoon to end.

Of course, many hundreds of elements, mechanisms, and sub-routines constitute all the parts of a well-run engine, such as our marriage. We regularly apply dozens of other heuristics to keep each other satisfied with our life. For instance, I told my wife very early in our relationship that I did not ever want her or myself to go to bed angry, and that if we were angry with each other, we would stay up and talk it through until neither of us were angry anymore. (I got this idea from a Season 1 episode of "The Bob Newhart Show," called "Don't Go to Bed Mad.")

It worked out pretty well at first: 1) I am a tenacious logician, usually quickly recognizing whether my position is sound enough to argue for any length of time; 2) at my bachelor party, my best friend from my old school days told me that "No matter what, she will always be right," and that it was not even worth trying to argue. For the first year, I sublimated and let her have her way in almost all disagreements, (and again, this is no small feat on my part: ADHD makes me more single-minded than a pit bull on PCP.) One night, however, we had a fight too huge to ignore or dismiss, and we argued for hours until we were too tired to argue anymore, so… we went to sleep angry with each other. And we woke up still angry, which was such a huge waste of time. We were both tired and miserable all of that day, and we got over it (because nothing was worth staying angry with one another.)

That argument was important to our relationship though; it allowed us to grow in that I realized that I could not allow myself to be a doormat and a non-participant in the decision-making process, my wife realized that she could not sacrifice her sleep like that anymore, and we both realized that we preferred each other's company when we were not upset with one another. After that, we started working much harder to come to quick and satisfying resolutions to our disagreements, so that neither of us resented each other and so that we could remain contented as partners.

Now when we argue or become upset with each other (and it almost always seems to happen in the evening when we are both tired and cranky, though it only seems to happen once a month or so), my wife and I take a few minutes to collect ourselves. We internally sift through our experiences and try to see the situation from each other's perspectives, so that we can quickly-but-sincerely apologize and get on with the making up. Let's face it: making up is fun, but sleep is important. Perhaps, that is the best-kept secret to a long and happy marriage: a good night's sleep. I'll tell you what I've found out in 20 years.

What Do You With a Pushy Neighbor?

My wife and I have a neighbor who takes every opportunity to let us know how much our lifestyle inconveniences him. Without going into too much detail, he wants us to stop one of our rituals, so that he can have a better quality of life. Yet, this particular ritual (running a few miles on the treadmill) is necessary for my wife's health. Her rare blood-clotting gene that demands from us both the highest standard of health maintenance.

My quandary, of course, persists: do I convince my wife to forestall her morning run? No, I would sooner risk my own health, than my wife's. Should she, instead, continue running on the treadmill? Well, that is the issue, isn't it? She must run on the treadmill, yet our circumstance is preventing her from doing so.

As a clinically Inattentive man, I have a tendency to be pathologically single-minded. Once I make a decision, I usually do not adjust my tactical approach, which is not the best operational method when diplomacy is necessary. This will be an interesting chess match indeed.

Divesting Ourselves

One of the saddest aspects of ADHD is its co-morbidity with a number of other psychological and neurological disorders, (e.g., depression, addiction, migraine, etc.) Along with all of those examples mentioned, I can sometimes be dangerously impulsive. Impulsiveness works well on the dance floor but seldom elsewhere. Put a credit card in my hand, and I can quickly do some damage. The evidence is on my bookshelves and my DVD rack, where I have buried thousands of dollars, but I might as well have burned it all. How am I ever going to recoup those losses?

I am going to try my hand at internet mercantilism – selling what I can on eBay. It will require of me time and dedication, two commodities I have in short quantity. I would be interested in any advice my readers would be willing to provide this neophyte entrepreneur.

The Inestimable Value of a Good Partner

Marrying my wife is the best decision I have ever made, asking for her hand is the second best. I cannot in words alone fully capture my appreciation of her, but I can describe the sense of satisfaction I had this morning when we sat together this morning and planned the next two weeks together.

I have made no secret that making plans is not one of my strengths. Normally I would not even try, yet I do endeavor to be a member of a society that has heretofore not felt obliged to welcome those of us who struggle with participatory attention. Why? I do not know, perhaps out of sense of filial obligation, or so that I might enjoy some of the material comforts that society has afforded the archetypal Heroes of our tribe – bloodthirsty fascists though they might be. Do I really deserve a second-class status, second-class happiness simply because my body lacks the ability to produce the same chemicals that have allowed others to win in the Game?

By contrast, my beautiful wife steps forward with me every day, (fully aware of my shortcomings), so that together, we may enjoy the fruits of our shared labors. To this partnership, my wife brings focus and drive, and I bring compassion and creativity. Complementary halves, our team is a powerful and well-oiled machine that can overcome any obstacle, benefiting from all opportunities.

To all of you with ADHD, I hope that you can find someone to share your ups and downs, but remember to be unselfish with your partner, letting them use all the strengths that you can muster. Thank you, Becky, for saying, "I do."

Political Ideology Quiz Results

I took the Political Ideology Quiz on Facebook and achieved the following result:

Very Liberal

You are very liberal. You are about as far left as you can be before heading into Stalin's backyard.

Yes, these quiz results are accurate in that I am very liberal (and proud to be considered as such), yet are flawed in that Stalin was not a liberal. As the leader of the regime and as Lenin's legacy, he was actually a conservative. Trotsky was the true liberal among the Bolsheviks. This quiz and its ilk can only serve to further entrench our nation's young people in the mired ignorance, fed by hate mongers and the far right.

But, c'mon, right? It is a stupid Facebook quiz, right?

Yes, it is an inanely simplistic and stupid quiz, but it is also a product of the low education standards that we have in this country. To dig ourselves out of this bogged ignorance and apathy, our nation needs to re-invest in the cultural and educational institutions that the Bush administration ignored.

Gabba-gabba-hey, apes.

Appointments and Routines, Part II

As post-scripts go, this one is pretty pathetic:

I missed my appointment. I had set an appointment to take the cat to the vet, and everything was all worked out. I was ready to go. Of course, I never asked the cat if she wanted to go.

As I was putting the cat into her carrier, she escaped and has been playing hide-and-seek with me ever since. I will have to take her to the vet on another day. This setback is frustrating for a number of obvious reasons.

Appointments and Routines

As anyone  with attention deficit disorder can attest, ADD (or ADHD) confounds and frustrates all whom it affects. We, the clinically deficient of attention, have a terribly frustrating time developing routines and keeping appointments, so we seldom attempt to establish either, which confounds our loved ones. Intellectually, we understand how important routines can be for accomplishing multiple daily tasks, so we do endeavor to involve others in our new routine-building methods. Unfortunately, others have their own routines that suit them quite nicely, so our novel attempts at adopting good habits are often forgotten.

Our remaining option is to sincerely attempt tried and true methods that we know have temporarily worked for us in the past. Alas, we need to spend much attention to build routines – constant, patient attention – and by definition, attention is a strength ADD denies us. Hypothetically, should one of us develop a routine (through some combination of good luck and hard work), one must never make appointments because isolated events would break the rhythm of one's routine, for which one has worked so hard – and therein lies the real tragedy, since one cannot go through life without visiting bankers, dentists, doctors, lawyers, and other professionals of that sort: because the time of "professional" people is extremely valuable, and one must make an appointment to take advantage of their valuable time.

As the reader has, no doubt, already intuited, I find myself in one suchpickle today. I have an appointment – this afternoon – and the keeping of that appointment is requiring the full focus of my scattered attention. I have forsaken all routines I had hoped to execute on this otherwise beautiful December day, and I can only hope that I will be able to muscle enough attention to start re-building my routines tomorrow. Yes, ADD confounds and distresses us all.

Best Cookie Ever at the Chicago Diner

My wife and I had become fans of the Chicago Diner long before we started our vegan lifestyle. Simply stated, the Diner serves the best food in Chicago. They make a more delicious and satisfying meal than any other restaurant in the city. Admittedly, they have a big advantage – vegan food just tastes better – and no one in Chicago does vegan better than the Chicago Diner.

Anyhow, I just finished a Double Chocolate Monster Cookie from the Diner, and big surprise, it was the tastiest cookie I have ever eaten, a CD-sized chocolate chip chocolate cookie with a powdered sugar glaze frosting, and it was pure chocolate – not even any casein to clot at the back of the throat. Amazing!

"Chocolate is Nature's way of making up for Mondays."

One of the best aspects of veganism is that our foods lack those nasty (and distracting) aftertastes that one has to suffer when they eat foods with dairy or eggs or other animal fat derivatives. After the Chicago Diner's cookie, the only remaining flavors are the original flavors of the cookie, the flavors the baker intended for me to enjoy when she baked the cookie, the flavors I wanted to enjoy when I bought the cookie.

I wholeheartedly recommend veganism to everyone. It is better for your health, better for the environment, and it will make you a more compassionate person because you know that your dietary efforts will help improve domestic animals' quality of life. I especially recommend the vegan lifestyle to my fellow ADHDers, because with improved diet comes improved brain and nerve function, which can result in greater focus.

Finally, if you do decide to try veganism, do not delay. Try the Chicago Diner today. You will not be disappointed.

Supporting Social Vibe?

Charity is a vital social institution, but it seems as though some wealthy corporations use charities in an attempt to shield their public images from negative feedback relating to their unscrupulous business practices. Perhaps, this is old news to most of my readers, but it seems it is a lesson that I have had to relearn.

All of the SocialVibe charities that I wanted to support were propped up by Nestlé, which has engaged in many ethically questionable activities. They have been associated with nefarious water theft practices in  rural United States, essentially muscling their way into a small community with inexpensive or free tap water, bottling that tap water, and then selling that tap water to other poor people. Nestlé buys inexpensive chocolate without guaranteeing its source and, through its own inaction, supports warlords and slave labor in the Ivory Coast. A host of other controversies besmirch  Nestlé's name (e.g., its opposal of the ban on GMOs in its native country Switzerland, selling melamine-laced milk in China, the deceptive advertising of its infant formula, etc.) Believe me, I have skeletons a plenty in my closet, so I would not blame Nestlé if they did not want to crawl into bed with me either.

On the other hand, I am not a $100B global corporation, nor am I responsible for the nutrition and wellfare of everyone who buys, sells, and manufactures my products (but Nestlé is).

If Nestlé publicly acknowledged its misdeeds, showed reformatory acts of good faith, and set in motion a truly salubrious and cooperative plan to improve global welfare, it would be a new page in the history of humankind, and I would never again speak ill of Nestlé. Until that day, and I do not believe that it is impossible, I will not knowingly support Nestlé, nor any of its projects or partners.

Sadly, I cannot now support SocialVibe. Perhaps, I am wrong, but I cannot in good conscience give voice to what I believe to be counter to the general well being and sustainability of humankind.

Play eRepublik With Me

A person needs a daily ritual to give rhythm to their lives, (and those of us with ADHD might need rituals more than others). On the other hand, I abrogate the meaningless routines stemming from the habituation of fruitless beliefs.

One should only perform a ritual that has inherent meaning, whereas the ritualization of any activity that has artificial meaning will surely spread insanity and unhappiness. Every morning, my wife and I share breakfast. We derive from that time together an intrinsic pleasure. Sometimes, we go to church where the rituals can seem stale and inorganic (but we go because we enjoy the community of our peers).

One's online life seems separate from one's offline life, so it might seem appropriate that one should adopt online rituals. For better or worse, all that draws breath on the Net is definitively artificial, but I do not advocate WWW abstention. Instead, I suggest finding ways to connect with others online and offline. One of the best ways to approach social participation is through online gamesmanship, and I particularly believe in cooperative games.

Recently, I discovered eRepublik, an alternate reality game that pits whole nations against each other rather than individual fraggers. Similar to a hybrid of Twitter and Sid Meier's Civilization, eRepublik is a free online browser game that one can play without buying downloading extra software. Also, I like the game because it does not demand too much of my time. I jump into the game; I check in at a few different locations in the game (including my messages); and I log off after 5 or 10 minutes.

If you'd like to see what this game is all about for yourself, you can check it by joining my little group of friends here.

Late Friday Night Blather

What does one write when one is too tired to piece together a cogent string of ideas? Hmmm…

Today I cracked the html code of this silly page, turning this into a 3-column blog. Big deal, right?

Well, I woke up this morning understanding almost nothing about html, but I altered the blogger staff's template so that this page looks the way I want it to look… sort of.

Anyhow, I am mildly proud of myself. It was fun, pretending that I could actually understand the gobbledygook. Fiddle-dee. Tomorrow is another day.

I Am The Carpenter

Working with one's hands allows a person to focus on the elemental aspect of one's nature, internally and externally. One can use tools to craft a piece of art that is functional or ornamental, or both. I like to paint: it soothes my soul to watch the pigments mix on the palette and adhere to the canvas.

The Arts tend to attract people with ADHD, because we usually see and experience the world differently than other members of the tribe – prohibitive to corporate survival. Under fascism, we would certainly lose our heads. I endorse the Arts whenever possible.

Anyhow, I'm going to build a coffee table. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. Wish me luck!

The Suburbs Are Called "Sub" For A Reason

For years, my friends have heard me say, "One doesn't live in the suburbs, one dies in the suburbs." My wife and I were so lucky to find each other when we did, but I consider myself especially blessed. Aside from the innumerable strengths that she has brought to our partnership, she brought to the City. Our life in Chicago benefited my health in many surprising ways: one might not think that walking everywhere would be so good for one's health, but I lost several inches in my waistline without many trips to the gym.

Now we are back in the 'burbs, and the pounds are starting to come back. My cheeks are getting chubby again, and I am definitely more lethargic than I used to be. Is there something in the water out here? While you are thinking that over, Sherlock, I am going to hop on the treadmill.